This "This"

What is it?

Here’s the music pairing for today’s read: Youtube, Spotify

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I just don’t know.

Wow. What a truth. What a certainty I have in this fact. That I don’t know.

I know now.

I know now that I don’t. I know that I really know very little. About life, about the universe, about relationship, even about myself. I don’t know SO much. It’s a mystery; this life. Truly it seems that the deeper I search for truth the farther away it is. Its be-wilder-ing. It makes me wilder and wilder. The less I know, the more wild I become. Wild with the desire to know, wild with despair at not knowing. Wild as in… free.

And sometimes I look at myself and think, “You know, it really is true.. I am free.” Freer than I have ever been. Freer with each thing I unlearn. It’s the realization of the unknowing that’s my freedom. The thing I have always been searching for… a way out. A way out of the prison, the prison of the body, the prison of the mind, the prison of society, of the bounds of the earth, freedom from reality. I believe most of us long for this. It’s why we push the boundaries, we go to the moon, we build machines, we expand our minds, we go into relationships, we have children, we build “domains”, the internet, the meta-verse, revolutions of this, and of that. All for what? To be freer? To transcend these bonds? Transcend these unseen chains we feel that keep us small and low to the ground. I don’t know… It makes me free. And I have never been more terrified of anything than I am of this freedom. This lack of direction, lack of external guidance, lack of structure, lack of knowing what to do, how to do it, and why to do it. It’s obliteratingly terrifying to be free. It’s simultaneously the only thing I have ever truly wanted and that which I am most scared of.

It seems to me that the closer we get to reality the less certain we are of it. The physicists agree, but is there anything for it? I’m asking genuinely. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing? Before enlightenment: chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment: chop wood, carry water. What’s the difference? What actually am I searching for if this is the nature of freedom… (And isn’t it though?) Isn’t this it, exactly. What “I”, Seek? Isn’t “this” the nature of freedom?

That’s why I am changing the name of my newsletter to This “This”. Because that’s really what it’s all about.

Enjoy.
-Devon

Other Good stuff:

• I’ve got a new offering out called Organizational Mindfulness. My last workshop was for 60 employees at a fintech startup it was a huge hit! Wildly open to introductions.

• I have a 1:1 coaching spot opening up July 1 for an entrepreneur or startup exec looking to transform the stress and challenge of freedom into rocket fuel for the soul.

• I’ve been rereading: Arguably the most important book I’ve ever read: Ishmael If you haven’t read it lately, now’s the time!

• I will be facilitating a CBC Class in Toronto next Monday. Send your dancy movement people my way!